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(Note: This is the first rap battle I ever wrote. So please have honest and constructive criticism. Thank you.)

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!!!

MARK TWAIN

VS.

DOUGLAS ADAMS

BEGIN!!!

Mark Twain:

I'm the king of Comedy, you're a horrible train wreck!

Space restaurants? Please, it's time for your nerdy ass to rest,

My humor is classic, yours is just cheesy,

Defeating you will be too easy,

Go ahead and write your nonsense while I'll be jammin' and groovin'

And Another Thing, how is your heart doing?

Douglas Adams:

Don't panic, Mark; but it's about to get dark,

I hear more humor than you every time I start to fart!

I'll kick your Einstein moustache back to your racist child staff,

King of Comedy? Ha, you couldn't make your dead siblings laugh!

But did you even make anyone laugh? I don't have a clue!

I'm the best in this game, no one even remembers you,

The Bruce Lee of Comedy, step to me and I cause a catastrophe!

Relax, you racist! Let me guide you to the Galaxy!

But in the name of science, technology and others,

Stop taking your period out on your father (Ohhh!)

Mark Twain:

My father? You atheist, I'm older than you!

And I've been making people laugh by the time you we're two,

I'll bring back Tom Sawyer and fuck up you and your gadgets!

We all know you're nothing but a schitzophrenic robot faggot,

Now get your ass back into your nerdy cocoon!

You couldn't even get into Comedy if there was any room,

Wanna know about the galaxy? Well you can lick on my motherfucking moon!

Douglas Adams:

You rap like your mother, you look like you're stoned,

And your insults are original as a goddamn silicone!

Leave the microphone to me and go play with your Teddy,

But do you really think a racist little boy scares me?

I may be an atheist but you're a pedophile,

Everyone will ignore you, you couldn't make people smile!

My raps are more troubled than your novels,

Want some advice? Go and choke down a baby bottle!

I'll dismember your wife after I nail and kiss her,

Bury you in the ground harder then they did to your sister!

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